Sunday, July 1, 2018

Things Not to Say to a Special Needs Parent


Things NOT to Say to a Special Needs Parent....
DISCLAIMER: I am NOT writing this to offend anyone. I AM writing this to show awareness and to be mindful of what we say to Special Needs parents. I asked around a Facebook page today and asked what phrases or words people (friends, family, and strangers) have said that upset them... 
When we were at the Naval Hospital in the very beginning, Jaxson was about three months old and this older lady strikes up a conversation with me. I know she meant well but when she asked how old he was and I replied with: "Three months old," she gave me this look. She thought he was ONE month old, not THREE months old. I know she didn't KNOW that our baby wasn't thriving but it made me feel upset nonetheless. At three months old he was barely a little over his birth weight of 6 lbs 10 oz.

When I tell new people about Jaxson's Rare Chromosome disorder I get a lot of crickets or blank stares. It's not intentional, I know that, it's hard to comprehend--I'm even having a hard time learning about it myself. JUST SO MUCH INFORMATION! I love that I have been able to find a special tribe that understands this journey of ours along with the outpouring of love and support from our friends and families.

"He'll get better or he will outgrow it.."
Unfortunately with certain Rare Genetic disorders is that they aren't going to get better like someone would from an illness or outgrow it like a child outgrows training wheels. Our warriors just learn to LIVE and ADAPT to their disabilities. Jaxson surprises us every single day with his accomplishments!

"Your child doesn't look sick or he doesn't look autistic.."
I know it's meant to be nice but in all honesty, it really isn't. When someone tells you about their child and about their Special Needs or Rare Genetic Disorder, please don't tell them they do not look sick, they look normal, or happy. A Special Needs child and a child with a Rare Genetic disorder do not fit a specific "mold" or "one size fits all" so to speak. Two children can have the same genetic disorder but exhibit different symptoms and features.

"How old is he? ...Really he is?"
Like most of the children with Special Needs or Rare Genetic disorder, Jaxson is developmentally delayed and speech delayed. His physical therapist stated that he is at about 8/9 months delayed so that would put him at about a 8/9 month old child level based on that diagnosis. So yes, he acts and appears to be younger then he is but he is 16 months old. I know this is unintentional like the Naval Hospital incident but it still makes me and others upset when are children are compared to others their age.

"Have you tried changing their diet..?"
Yes. Yes we have. Jaxson has mild dysphagia which makes it difficult to swallow, he has come a long way with Feeding Therapy but it still lingers. Because of his Rare Genetic disorder, we aren't sure if it's going to be a temporary thing or if it's going to be long-term. Children with G tubes, NG tubes, etc. They're on there for many different reasons, and asking them if changing their diet or have you tried changing your child's diet isn't something they want to hear. Like most, they've exhausted every possible avenue prior to having their children undergo life saving surgery for a feeding tube.

"He/She doesn't act like so and so's child.."
I haven't dealt with this personally but a couple of moms on the Facebook page have and nothing is more disheartening or upsetting to hear that your child is anything but "normal." Please don't compare Special Needs children to other children.

I know I am super POST HAPPY the last couple days. I just really enjoy writing for this blog.. it feels very therapeutic.. like I'm finally lifting all this stress off of my shoulders. I hope I will be able to help someone else who is struggling for answers.

Want to share your experiences with me? Please leave a comment or message me, I would love to hear from you.



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Saturday, June 30, 2018

21 Facts About Mom


Wanted to give our readers some facts about mom!
  1. I am half Okinawan and a mix of Irish, Swedish, Welsh, German, and French Canadian.
  2. I can speak fluent Japanese.
  3. I love to bake.
  4. I took ten years of karate and I am a third degree black belt.
  5. I have two tuxedo cats: Oreo and Voltron.
  6. I love Romance novels.
  7. I hate my freckles.
  8. I was an Air Force brat.
  9. I love horror movies.
  10. I'm very self-conscious AND super awkward.
  11. I'm currently taking classes towards a degree in Medical Billing and Coding BUT I do have a B.S. in Health Care Administration.
  12. I love Olympic Weightlifting/Powerlifting.
  13. I LOVE FOOD.
  14. Buffy the Vampire Slayer is my jam.
  15. Knew my husband THREE months before we married--celebrated NINE years this past April.
  16. I hate cardio.
  17. I have an addiction to donuts.
  18. I hate the summer--specifically the humidity.
  19. I have ten tattoos.
  20. I have an unhealthy obsession with leggings/yoga pants.
  21. I am an active duty USMC spouse.
Thank you for taking the time to read about Jaxson and his family!


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Thursday, June 28, 2018

Inchstones Not Milestones

What are Inchstones?

Like most families I celebrated all of the typical milestones with my oldest, JJ. He reached all of his milestones early.. he crawled by five months, he walked by eleven months, cut his first tooth by seven months, he upgraded to a sippy cup by nine months, and so on and so forth.

So what does inchstones mean? Let's do some math shall we (not my strong suit so bear with me lol):

An inch is an inch.
And 36,650 inches make a mile.

An inch is smaller than a mile but with a special needs child you celebrate every. single. achievement. No matter how small.

No longer needing thickened feeds, consume a 5 oz bottle in less then five minutes (use to take him an hour to consume one whole ounce), and eat small finger/table foods and snacks.

Jaxson just recently started to take two to four steps unassisted AND standing for a couple seconds before plopping down. HUGE ACHIEVEMENTS. Just six months ago he started to army crawl, then he started to crawl on all fours and sit up four months ago, pull up to stand and cut his first tooth three months ago.. and now look at him, 16 months old and taking his first unsteady step.

Potato baby no more!

Pushing our vacuum around



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Wednesday, June 20, 2018

Warrior Wednesday

Today is Warrior Wednesday, and where do I even begin?


For Warrior Wednesday, they ask you to recognize someone who went above and beyond for your family. The only problem is that not just ONE helped us through this journey.

When I was at the Children's Hospital for a week, unable to leave Jaxson I had amazing friends who stopped by with coffee, snacks, watched Jaxson while I slept, kept me company, and JUST being there. You all are the real M.V.P. Thank you Jean R., Ashley P., and Naomi M. You all are truly amazing, thank you! Thank you for helping us with the boys and keeping an eye on them when we had to go to appointments, date night, or just needed a little break.



My dear friend Michelle R., you are truly a great friend. You came running to help when James and I were both down with whatever the heck that was--we couldn't eat or drink without throwing up--and couldn't even care for Jaxson who was sick as well. You also stopped by when we were in at the Children's Hospital to allow me to go down to get breakfast or coffee. Listened to me vent or cry when I needed it. YOU'VE DONE ANYTHING OR EVERYTHING! Thank you so much.

Lynne B., I'm so glad we met. You have no idea how thankful I am you were there when I got that phone call from our UAB team. I really appreciated you coming over a couple weeks ago to hang out and make some Okinawan Donuts lol. It wasn't much but it was fun! Thank you for everything, thank you listening, just thank you!

Our family The Carforas, going out of their way to help me go to University of Birmingham for Jaxson's Genetics or Aero Digestive appointments, taking us away for a weekend, listening and answering all of our questions--I love you all so much, thank you. Mom and Dad, thank you for raising me to be strong, I love you both so much.



My husband, you are truly a warrior too. You are an amazing husband and father and thank you for all of the sacrifices to support our family. I know it is difficult being away from your family but you do it to ensure that we have everything we need. I love you so much!!!!

Lastly, Jaxson's Pediatrician. Dr. Southwick went out of his way to ensure that we were seeing all of the right specialists, listened, and was and still is very thorough. I'm thankful to have you as my child's doctor and we will miss you when we PCS in the fall.

Thank you all from the bottom of our hearts.






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Tuesday, June 19, 2018

Telling Tuesday

June 17th - 23rd is Rare Chromosome Awareness Week and I wanted to participate in it as well. As you know from my first post Jaxson has been diagnosed with a rare genetic condition they call DYRK1A Deletion Syndrome.

Jaxson watching Baby Signing Time
What is DYRK1A exactly?

DYRK1A is a gene that is involved in brain growth. It was identified several years ago but only recognized to be associated with a neurodevelopmental condition in 2008. The DYRK1A gene is on chromosome 21q22.13 and is one of the genes that is missing in the 21q22.13 deletion syndrome. When we compare children with the 21q22.13 microdeletion syndrome and those with changes in the DYRK1A gene, many of their features are similar. We now think that the key features of 21q22.13 microdeletion syndrome are caused by absence of DYRK1A (RareChromo, 2015).

Other names for DYRK1A:

  • Dual specificity tyrosine-(Y)-phosphorylation regulated kinase 1A
  • DYRK
  • MNBH

Features Associated with DYRK1A:

  • Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD)
  • Epilepsy/Seizure Disorder
  • Intellectual Disability/Developmental Delay
  • Small head/Jaw
  • Difference in Facial Feature
  • Small size during Pregnancy
  • Abnormal gait
  • Hypertonia
  • Failure to Thrive/Feeding difficulties

Other Symptoms:

  • Gastrointestinal 
  • Cardiac
  • Skeletal
  • Genitourinary

Cases of DYRK1A:

  • To date there are 188 families on our support page with loved ones who have the DYRK1A deletion syndrome.

Rare Disease Statistics 2018:

  • In America, a rare disease is when it affects less than 200,000 people. 
  • Signs and symptoms of rare diseases can differ in each individual who has the condition.
  • On average it takes FIVE years for a rare disease to be correctly diagnosed.
The day we got the diagnosis April 25, 2018


References:

DYRK1A and 21q22.13 Deletion. (2015). Retrieved from https://www.rarechromo.org/


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Thursday, June 14, 2018

Weighting Game : Jaxson's Fight

Jaxson in the hospital


Alice Glass drew this for Jaxson


The Pregnancy:

When we found out I was pregnant with Jaxson back in May of 2016, we didn't realize how much he would change our lives. I had a "normal" pregnancy and had zero symptoms, I know lucky me! Everything seemed great as I went in for my anatomy scan at the 20 week mark, but the nurse came back and asked that I come back for another scan. Evidently they couldn't "see his kidneys and umbilical cord" well and wanted to have another look. I went in the following week feeling slightly anxious but figured they were just being overly cautious--but then the nurse came back again and stated I am being sent to see a Perinatal Specialist. Our little peanut had what they called a two vessel umbilical cord and they wanted us to be followed by a specialist from there on out.



As you can see he had us stressing about him even before he came into this world! We had plenty of growth scans because he was measuring 3 to 4 weeks behind, had his umbilical cord checked frequently by ultrasound, did genetic testing twice, and had weekly stress tests close to my due date. They decided that he was doing well and that I could deliver him at the Naval Hospital but they didn't want me going past 39 weeks. The specialists felt that he would THRIVE better outside of the womb and so my midwife induced me on the morning of February 22, 2017 at 0730.

The Labor & Delivery:

Labor was a breeze, my stomach was contracting but I was not feeling the contractions. Around 1230 that afternoon my midwife came in and stated she could break my water to help things move along a little faster. I eagerly agreed and that's when things started moving FAST. I started to feel the contractions and boy did they hurt! I wanted the epidural but apparently I waited too long (OOPS), and had no choice but to deliver him without pain medication. A few pushes later our son Jaxson was born at 6 lbs and 10 oz--much bigger then what the specialist thought he would be! They thought he was averaging about 5 lbs!

February 22, 2017 at 1510


When Jaxson came out they quickly brought him back to the NICU because he supposedly swallowed fluid from being pushed out so fast. After they cleaned him up and "sucked out" the fluid he was brought back to me and my husband for some bonding time. We stayed at the hospital for a couple days and was finally discharged on February 24, 2017. Jaxson had some issues latching and sucking but the Pediatrician on call and I felt confident he would be fine when we got home. Thankfully the Pediatrician wanted us to come back that Sunday for a well baby visit to ensure that everything was going smoothly.. and to this day I'm THANKFUL for him doing that.

Failure to Thrive:

My husband, JJ, and I brought Jaxson to the Naval Hospital for a well baby visit that Sunday, February 26, 2017. I thought that the last couple days were going okay even though he cried a lot and we didn't get much sleep.. figured he's a newborn and they cry and eat a lot. But boy was I wrong, our little Jaxson had lost a whole pound from the day he was discharged--ONE POUND in two days. Jaxson couldn't latch OR suck well at all. Not only did he lose a lot of weight he was severely jaundice, his bilirubin levels were at 19. They admitted us and had him under photo therapy and we came up with a game plan to get him to eat. That's when I started to exclusively pump and feed Jaxson with Medela bottles and doing so we knew how much he was consuming in one sitting.

We knew something was off from the get go, it was taking him such a long time to eat an ounce out of a bottle. Our little Jaxson was burning more calories than he could consume and because of that our Pediatrician had us come in weekly for weight checks to ensure that he was gaining... When Jaxson was a month old he weighed 6 lbs and 7 oz, which was 3 oz shy of his birth weight. Most babies at this age have already doubled their weight, not our little peanut. We went in for a routine well visit and the Pediatrician on call found a heart murmur and sent us to see a Pediatric Cardiologist out in town to have an Echo cardiogram done. The doctor did find the murmur and it was minor, he was more worried about the fact that Jaxson wasn't past his birth weight. He recommended to our Pediatrician that Jaxson needed to be admitted at the Children's Hospital for evaluation.

On March 22, 2017 we were admitted to the Children's Hospital and they did many tests: Upper GI, Swallow Study, and did routine lab work. They eventually inserted a feeding tube through his nose (NG Tube) to help him gain until we could find out what was wrong with him. The on call gastro doctor actually discussed a feeding tube through his stomach (G Tube) but we didn't want to do anything that permanent until we tried everything we possibly could. Thankfully the swallow study showed that he was aspirating and that he couldn't suck and swallow well. Our new game plan at this point was to find a bottle that worked well for him and to thicken his feeds with rice cereal to prevent aspiration. They wanted Jaxson to consume 2 ounces within an hour and to gain weight before we could be discharged. After a week of persistence between my husband and I, Jaxson gained weight and was eating about 2 ounces every feed.

Jaxson at the Children's Hospital


They sent us out to Outpatient Rehab for Feeding Therapy to work on his suck and swallow skills and to strengthen his tongue coordination. At this point we were using Dr. Brown bottles with a special needs top to help with reflux and it slowed down the flow to prevent choking and aspiration. Even with therapy and the new bottle Jaxson was taking an HOUR to eat 1 to 1.5 ounces of milk. By this point his Pediatrician noticed that his "newborn congestion" wasn't going away and he had what they called "stridor." His Pediatrician is very knowledgeable and felt that he had what they called Laryngomalacia and referred us to a Pediatric ENT out in town. We got the referral quickly but there was a three month waiting list to see the ONLY ENT doctor in town. As you could imagine I was upset and stressed and called FREQUENTLY but they couldn't get us in until August 2017.

"Laryngomalacia is a congenital softening of the tissues of the larynx (voice box) above the vocal cords. This is the most common cause of noisy breathing in infancy. The laryngeal structure is malformed and floppy, causing the tissues to fall over the airway opening and partially block it (Children's Hospital of Philadelphia, 2018)."

As we waited to see the ENT, our Pediatrician put in for a Pediatric Pulmonologist and Cranial Facial Surgeon because of his recessed chin and airway problems. Both recommended a sleep study be done to see if his recessed chin was causing any problems and if it did they wanted to do reconstructive surgery. Once again I was hesitant to do something drastic and wanted to wait to see what the results showed and I'm glad I did. He was having both Central and Obstructive Sleep Apnea but he was having more Central than Obstructive. Doing a reconstructive surgery and tracheostomy wouldn't have helped his Central Sleep Apnea. We were given a sleep apnea monitor to put us at ease until the next sleep study and ENT appointment.

First Sleep Study


In April 2017, we decided to try another bottle, MAM, since he was doing so well with the MAM pacifier. Boy were we glad we did! I don't know if it was the shape of the nipple (it's flatter) but he was able to drink about 3 ounces of formula much more quickly! We were a little bit hesitant on buying more and getting excited but he started drinking more and more out of the MAM bottle! That's when the weight REALLY started piling on.

Our Pediatrician put in for a Neurosurgeon because of Jaxson's uneven skull shape and wanted to ensure that his sutures were not prematurely fusing together OR craniostenosis. Yes, another specialist for Jaxson! However after an ultrasound of his skull everything came back normal and his sutures were not fusing together.

Coping with LM:

While I waited to get the official diagnosis from the Pediatric ENT, I was able to find a great support group called Parent Support at Coping With LM. There I was able to connect with our families who had little ones with this condition and I finally had someone to relate to. I now felt like I wasn't alone anymore and I wasn't crazy. In May 2017, my husband and I decided that I would stop working full time to focus on Jaxson since he was still having trouble gaining weight. Even though it was a very hard in the beginning it was one of the best decisions we ever made.. he started to THRIVE.. He wasn't under the fifth percentile for weight anymore! Fast forward to August 2017 we finally got the OFFICIAL diagnosis of Laryngomalacia from his Pediatric ENT.. FINALLY had a name to what was making our little man fight so hard. WE WEREN'T CRAZY.

Jaxson at 5 months old


Genetics:

In the midst of all of this, our Pediatrician put in for us to see a Genetics doctor to "dot our I's and cross our T's." We first went to Children's Hospital of Alabama in July 2017 where we went into detail about Jaxson's history and our history. They recommended Jaxson to see an Ophthalmologist, have the microarray genetic testing done, and come back in December for a follow up. The Ophthalmologist found a subtle abnormality in his right eye but wasn't concerned about it and the microarray came back 'normal'. We still wanted to push for answers because Jaxson started showing signs of global developmental delays, he was 8 months old and couldn't even roll from front to back or back to front. That's when we started seeing a Physical Therapist at the Outpatient Rehab Center.

We went back to the Genetics team in December 2017 and they recommended the WGS (whole genome sequencing), which breaks down every letter of the alphabet so to speak. They took both my husband and I's blood too to see if he did come back with a missing or extra gene if it came from us or if it was De Novo (new). This genetic testing could take up to 4 to 6 months to come back! They also recommended a Sedated MRI to check for what they called Chiari Malformation because some of his symptoms reflected that genetic disorder. We had the Sedated MRI done in February 2018 and things came back normal, and I would admit that I was a little upset because I wanted answers. I was HOPING that was the answer.

Then in April 2018 as I was hanging out with my good friend Lynne, I get the phone call my husband and I have been waiting for. The WGS came back with an answer. Jaxson's DNA has a change in the DYRK1A gene which is located in the 21st Chromosome. Apparently this wasn't even on our Genetics Team's radar and it's extremely rare--the most recent literature on the topic dates back to 2012. Yes! 2012! I had a bunch of emotions flood in at once... I was relieved, happy, sad, and worried. This new diagnosis would explain everything we have been through with Jaxson thus far. As far as we know the DYRK1A syndrome exhibits these features:

  • Microcephaly (small head and brain size)
  • Low Birth Weight
  • Feeding Issues at Birth (Frequent Vomiting)
  • Speech and Language Impairment
  • Developmental Delay / Cognitive Impairment
  • Autism and/or Ritualized behavior
  • Growth Delay
  • Unsteady Gait
  • Ear Anomalies
  • Epilepsy / Seizures / Febrile Seizures
  • Chronic Constipation
  • and More 
  • (DYRK1A, 2018)

To date Jaxson has: microcephaly, low birth weight, feeding issues, speech and language impairment, developmental delays, unsteady gait, growth delay, chronic constipation, and autism spectrum disorder. I was able to find a support group for this rare genetic disorder as well and they've been awesome with answering all of my questions and giving me advice. From all across the world, the different cultures, different languages, we all come together and cheer on each of our warrior's achievements no matter how big or how small!

We enrolled him in the Early Steps Program to get all of the help he needs, Early Intervention is key! He participates in a Baby Bloomer class on Friday afternoons with other babies who aren't as mobile like him and he has an ITDS (Infant Toddler Developmental Specialist) come to house once a week. He's currently still in Feeding Therapy, Speech Therapy (trying to teach him sign), Physical Therapy, and waiting on Occupational Therapy referral. Jaxson sees his Gastroenterologist and ENT doctors every few months and we will be seeing an Aero Digestive team at UAB at the end of the month.

Jaxson at PT


He definitely surprises us everyday. He still isn't talking or making consonants consistently but he's making huge strides in his gross motor development. He went from being a potato baby at 8 months old to becoming a couch cruiser at 15 months old. He loves to crawl and chase his big brother around the house and loves his snacks! I'm not much of a writer but I'm hoping that writing this blog will help other families who are on a journey for answers or someone to relate to.. who see MANY specialists, who drive many miles to see other specialists, all of the tears shed, seeking second opinions, the constant worry, the isolation, and the never ending fight for your warriors.

Jaxson and JJ
(L) 1 month old, (R) 15 months old

Jaxson is also part of the Tiny Super Heroes Team!! Super Jaxson!!

He LOVES bubbles!

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Failure to Thrive No More

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